Letters from the North Pole

At our house we have received warning letters two years running from Santa's underlings along with the regular Christmas delivery of toys and candy. Here they are:

2006

From the desk of:
Saint Nicholas
Santa’s Workshop
North Pole City

Christmas Eve 2006

Dear Residents of: XXXXXXX Orem, Utah

This is to inform you that your household failed to provide the traditional snack for Santa on Christmas Eve. By longstanding tradition, children of all ages leave a plate of cookies and a glass of milk to provide the sustenance necessary for Jolly Old Saint Nicholas to make his yearly delivery. Without this food and the vital calories it supplies Santa would soon waste away and die.

This year you failed to provide:

□ Cookies
□ Milk
□ Pizza
□ Diet Coke
□ Caviar

Santa has overlooked this violation of Christmas tradition this year, but is placing your residence on probabtion. Failure to provide food next year could result is the cancellation of all future deliveries. Don’t foolishly place you and your family in jeopardy by failing to provide cookies and milk next year.

Sincerely,

Zicknob, Chief Delivery Elf for the Western US


2007

From the desk of:
Saint Nicholas
Santa’s Workshop
North Pole City

Christmas Eve 2007

Dear Residents of: XXXXXXX, Orem, Utah

This is to inform you that for the second your in a row you household failed to provide the traditional snack for Santa on Christmas Eve. By longstanding tradition, children of all ages leave a plate of cookies and a glass of milk to provide the sustenance necessary for Jolly Old Saint Nicholas to make his yearly delivery. Without this food and the vital calories it supplies Santa would soon waste away and die.

This year you failed to provide:
□ Cookies
□ Milk
□ Diet Coke
□ Filet Mignon in a light burgundy sauce with sautéed mushrooms

Santa has overlooked this violation of Christmas tradition for two years running. You were placed on probabtion last year, but still failed to meet your end of this festive Christmas tradition. If Santa could, he would place you and your family on the naughty list. However, his jolliness prevents any real or meaningful punishment of delinquents such as yourselves. It does not, however, prevent hollow threatening gestures. Therefore, please note that failure to provide food next year could result is the cancellation of all future deliveries. Don’t foolishly place you and your family in jeopardy by failing to provide cookies and milk next year.

Sincerely,
Zicknob, Chief Delivery Elf for the Western US